You can't unsee violence
prison experiences
Sometimes, I get to hear prison stories that get me thinking. The last one that I heard was about a violent event that broke out amongst the inmates. My son called me to vent about what he had witnessed and how he didn’t want to see it as it was happening.
the reality of witnessing violence in prison
How do you unsee something in prison? You are exposed to violence, and it’s hard not to see because, as an inmate, you have to be vigilant at all times. Inmates have to witness so much as part of being incarcerated. The place they are sent to as punishment causes more trauma to deal with if they ever get to be free again. And if they don’t, it’s a constant level of looking over your shoulder and not being able to trust others.
trusting others
From what I have heard. You have to learn who you can trust and who you can’t, even amongst your immediate circle. Everyone is in it for themselves, so finding someone who is genuine is a daily task. And it seems that even when you do trust someone, there is a tiny part inside you that has to stay on guard. With that, I can see why my son would question other people’s intentions. He has lost the connection with regular people, and he has a hard time judging genuineness. Sometimes, I find myself explaining my reasoning to him so he can see my point of view, that point of view that he lost since being incarcerated.
the little that he shared
I heard that there was an attack on an inmate. He brought it upon himself because he took something small from someone else's belongings. It was so insignificant, but in there, it’s seen as a major form of disrespect. Most inmates are limited with money and belongings, so anything they do come into their possession becomes huge. And it didn’t seem to have mattered that he took it from his race, so it was many against one. He said the beating lasted minutes, like six or seven, but it seemed like forever. There was so much blood, and he saw that the inmate’s leg looked broken. He heard that the charges for those involved went from serious bodily injury to attempted murder.
the cycle of trauma behind bars
The feeling of fear that I felt after listening to my son tell me this was a fraction of what I felt witnessing it live as it happened. I’m sure some people experience this and are not in prison. The difference is the resources available that one could seek as self-help. Even though he says there are “resources” inside, I hear that not many want to use them. Why? because they are part of the prison system, and it goes back to not trusting that what you may share stays in confidentiality. Depending on what you share, if it involves evidence or others’ safety, it will be discussed with other staff.
living with what you see
After you see something like that, it doesn’t go away once it’s no longer happening. It automatically becomes a memory. One that will be with you forever. Inmates don’t get to process things like this healthily, they just learn to move on and maybe witness something else the same day or another day. It becomes the norm, something to expect and hope they don’t become the victim.
The world expects them to come out and adjust as if they haven’t spent years surviving in a place where trust is a weakness, violence is a norm, and trauma is just another part of daily life. But how can they adjust when no one has prepared them for healing? Those who make it out have a long road of healing in front of them, and that is if they choose to get help. #inmatestories #prisonviolence